So ConFuSed?!

Many sleepless nights.. must do this and that to be able to function to almost normal... I need my strength back, my mind is in pieces.. my heart is about to just give up… i did not sign up for this.. yet, I'm still here slinging my self along this agonizing road but i don't even know anymore?  where is my objective?  Some how it just left and I feel so alone.. i'm so lost.. love really hurts.. this is the first time i realized it.  It's not supposed to be this way.. but how is it really supposed to be like?  Can you tell me what love is supposed to be like?... i feel like im in an empty box room in one corner, and on each walls there are three doors to go to… each one leads you slowly to a wholesome, salubrious, new life and since my commotions and complexities engulf me.. for some reason, something stops me from getting up and opening the door for my escape…will you run away with me?  I need some answers.

i have perpetrated a huge sin.. I pray everynight hoping for a sign.. something.. anything to tell me what to do… I have never been so lost in my life.. when I look at myself, I look mystified and baffled, my mind is in a constant vortex of perplexities..

been a while!

so here i am at school waiting for my next class to start.  i swear i've been here since 9 am and i feel like passing out!!! my day is only half way over... its going to be like this for the next 17 weeks. 

i have to say, WEEDS on showtime is the best show ever..  it was a brilliant money making idea!! they have received many accolades!! and besides that the idea of the show has never been tackled!! if you ever get the chance, watch it on showtime monday nights at 10:00..

=(

so my step father is diagnosed with cancer.  we've known for almost a month. at first they said that it was in his liver, but a board of cancer doctors looked at it and said that it's a cyst.  but there is still cancer.  and it is pretty big.  they never told us what stage its in (i keep forgetting to ask) but i think from the looks of it its in the early parts of stage four.  the cancer isnt rooted, which is wonderful, but its so big it makes him look pregnant. today was his first treatment for radiation.  all he's been doing is throw up all day long since he got back.  he has another dose of strong radiation tomorrow morning.  he does not think he can make it because the cancer is in its late stages.  it really sucks going through something like this.  my real father died of kidney cancer, then my second father is now dying of cancer.  death is something you never think about until it really hits you.  its scary.  back in 1994 he went through an operation for his benign brain tumor, he had like a 20 percent chance of surviving it, and he did.  i hope this time he does too with this cancer. 

roller coaster

the semester is over!! i have some time to breathe!! but this week has been a real bad week, exams, my step dad is sick, my mother is going nuts.. hopefully we get through this... life has its ups and downs, either way, life goes on.
any how.. time to rest!!